Hell not source of science, Satan says

CIRCLE NINE, HELL — Rep. Paul Broun (R-GA) set off a firestorm on Friday by claiming “…evolution and embryology and the Big Bang Theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell…”.  

Scientists and science-minded people, who were quick to refute Broun’s claim, received unexpected confirmation today that hell is not the source of science.

“Science was not created in, nor ever a resident of, any of our Nine Circles or the Island of Purgatory,” says Satan.

In a surprising move, Satan revealed “…the focus of my organization is to tempt people into leading a wretched life.” Satan went on to explain that science often has the opposite effect.  ”All that rational thinking really undercuts our efforts.”

When asked exactly what temptations he and his minions use, Satan was quick to answer. “We usually go with wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony,” continuing, “Honestly, science doesn’t crack the top 25.”

When asked why Broun would claim Hell is the source of science, Satan was less talkative.  ”All I’ll say is we’ve been known to use lies and fear to manipulate people.”

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Image of pit of hell from Blue Field State College
 
Of course this is fake.  As if Satan would speak to JAYFK when 60 Minutes or the Today Show are available.

 

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