Scientific Publishing Flowchart!

After @ChemBark‘s investigations into A Disturbing Note in a Recent SI File and Some VERY Suspicious TEM Images in Nano Letters, plus the recent “unfortunate remark” left in the main body of a paper, we thought a Scientific Publishing Flowchart was in order!

scientific publishing flowchart


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Human Resources would like to clarify something for you

Human Resources
Any Company* With Any Damn Sense
Any City, Anywhere

Dear Colleagues,

We have received some questions about appropriate employee gatherings on the premises after an email from an outside vendor describing ’Sex Toy After Work Parties’ was received company-wide on September 23rd.  I am writing to address questions raised by this email, which is archived here.

Many of you asked if the party described in the aforementioned email would be an appropriate team-building exercise.  While this company recognizes the value-added nature of social work team activities, a ‘Sex Toy After Work’ party would be a clear violation this company’s Sexual Harassment Policy (see Section 17 of the Employee Handbook).  While approval for after-work external sales parties has been given in the past, sex toys are not Tupperware. To be clear, no ‘Sex Toys After Work’ – or similar such activities – are permitted on company property at any time. As a ‘Sex Toy After Work’ party violates company policy and is thus prohibited, answers to questions regarding the correct timecard entry codes for such a party and exceptions to the company dress code are superfluous.

We hope you find this helpful. Please review the Employee Handbook prior to our newly scheduled mandatory workshop ‘Keeping Work Professional’ next Wednesday at 2:00pm in conference room B.


Any Director of Human Resources from Any Company* With Any Damn Sense


*except, perhaps, sex toy companies


Thanks to @LadyBits for inspiration and for the bit about Tupperware!

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NIST announces new time standard

BOULDER, Colo. — The U.S. Department of Commerce’s National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) has announced that a new clock, called NIST-RD, will replace the atomic clock NIST-F2.  While NIST-F2 uses the natural resonance frequency of the cesium atom to define a second, NIST-RD uses the frequency of Richard Dawkins tweeting something asinine.

NIST scientists examine NIST-RD

“Quite frankly, we never thought we’d find something more accurate than NIST-F2,” said NIST scientist Dr. Getta Reele, explaining “NIST-F2 was three times as accurate as NIST-F1, not gaining or losing a second in about 300 million years.” That kind of accuracy seemed impossible to beat.  NIST scientists discovered, however, that the frequency of Dawkins’ asinine tweets were nearly two times as accurate as NIST-F2.

While maintaining the most accurate clock is an important mission of NIST, the decision to replace NIST-F2 with a new timekeeper wasn’t without controversy. ”We just introduced NIST-F2 for the replacement for NIST-FI in April,” says NIST clock committee member Dr. Totes Fakey. “Introducing a new timekeeper only four months later raised some eyebrows.”  Controversy soon died down, says Fakey. ”People want to know what time it actually is. NIST-RD helps them do that.”


Of course this is fake. Image is actually of NIST scientists examining NIST-F2.

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A #lionfish gif tale


Gif sources: 
Chris Pine & Zachary Quinto 
Honey Boo-Boo
Karen Walker
these gifs were tweeted by me last night
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Feynman Excuses Bingo!

This is a special guest post from @AstroKatie and @DrMRFrancis

After Ash “The Curious Wavefunction” Jogalekar wrote a mostly-good-before-veering-into-WTF-territory post on Dr. Richard Feynman, a few of us took the time to patiently explain exactly what was so dickish about Dr. Feynman. Our criticism based on documented facts – and Feynman’s own words – irritated the Feynman Fanboys™ so much that they turned out in droves to tell us Exactly How Wrong We Were to talk about The Great Man That Way.

Well…. why should all the Feynman Fanboys™ have the fun?  Using actual comments on our blogs and tweets in our social media streams, we’ve created the Feynman Excuses Bingo Card. Play along with us!

Feynman Bingo

The problem of Richard Feynman

Heroes, human “foibles”, and science outreach

Feynman is not my hero

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Look, I’m just trying to help

So, you’ve realized you’ve got some privilege.  Perhaps you’re male. Or white. Or heterosexual. Or Christian. Or highly educated. Or rich. Maybe you’re even a white male immune to hurt feelings. Whateves. You’ve recognized you’ve got some privilege and you’ve decided to use your powers for good. You’re going to help. That group over there. The one you’re not in, but can totes do a solid. Because you’ve got privilege and a plan.

…and you’ve got a superhero name and costume

This all seems like a wonderful idea. You’re self-aware. You’ve the means to help. You’ve shown up to help and now…

Look, Patrice is just trying to be helpful.

WHAT THE WHAT?! Some (or all) of the folks you’re helping don’t seem sufficiently grateful for your help. They’re questioning your motives, your approach, your helpful plan.  They are not letting you simply show up and fix things.  Perhaps they’ve even said…

pipe down, baby Darth

This is not the reaction you were expecting.  Because you have privilege and a plan. And, because…

of course

Are you really? Did you ask them if they wanted or needed your help? Did you ask how you could best help? Oh, you didn’t ask those last two questions? Then…


Really, what are you doing? Because it isn’t ‘help‘.


Captain Hammer gif from here
Patrice gif from here
Star Wars gif from here
Doing this for you gif from here
West Wing gif from here
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4 chemicals that can seriously f*ck you up (or save your life)

1. warfarin (aka “coumadin”)


Found in: Rat poison

Also found in: medicine that could save your motherfucking life

This chemical helps prevents blood clots from forming. WHAT THE WHAT?” you might me saying, “I need to clot so I don’t bleed to death!” That, my friends, is a true fact.  BUT! If things go to clot cray cray…

…clots can break into pieces and travel in the blood stream, lodging in the heart (causing a heart attack), the lungs (pulmonary embolus), or the brain (stroke).

[excerpt from University of Michigan Hospitals and Health Centers 'Warfarin/Coumadin']

A bit of warfarin helps prevent that bullshit.  If you’re on warfarin, you’re under a doctor’s care and better do everything they damn well tell you.  This chemical is saving you from clot madness because it’s preventing clotting, a necessary bodily function. Dosage, follow-through, and follow-up are critical.

2. succinylcholine (aka “sux”)


Found in: Murder plots

Also found in: medicine that could save your motherfucking life

This chemical paralyzes the muscles in your body from the outer extremities inwards. Sound terrifying? Damn right it does.  Deadly too, as the muscles helping you breathe will stop working.  Just how the hell is this going to save your motherfucking life?!

The administration of sux is part of the rapid sequence intubation (RSI) protocol, which means a medical team is actually trying to keep you alive – they’ve just got to paralyze you do to it.  If you’re being intubated, your airway is blocked and the RSI protocol is employed to get a breathing tube down your throat.  To get this tube in quickly, they’ll paralyze and sedate you.

Sedation means you won’t be conscious when the paralysis sets in.  Respiratory support means something will be breathing for you when the muscles involved in respiration stop working.  In 5 – 10 minutes, a clinical dose of sux wears off as it’s rapidly metabolized by your body.  The sedation will likely last longer.  The goal is that by the time you’re awake, your breathing has been stabilized and perhaps other medical issues have been (or are being) addressed. 

[excerpt from my blog post Killers that sux]

…and if you’ve been injected with sux without respiratory support and sedation?

3. Digoxin


Found in: Suicidesunnoticed homicides, hands of serial killer nurse

Also found in: medicine that could save your motherfucking life

The heart is a muscle and sometimes it doesn’t work at Optimus Prime levels. Like a stoned dudebro at a DMB concert, sometimes your heart can’t get on the right beat. Digoxin is prescribed at low doses to treat congestive heart failure and abnormal heart rhythms (arrhythmias). This chemical chills out a speedy heart beat and boosts heart contraction strength.  This all sounds totes awesome, but… too much digoxin causes cardiac arrest which, YIKES!, could kill you.

4. atropine


Found in: The back-pocket of  historical and modern-day poisoners

Also found in: medicine that could save your motherfucking life

The fact that this chemical is found in a plant called ‘Deadly Nightshade‘ really underlines how fucking scary it is.

The symptoms of atropine poisoning were once summarised in the following way: hot as a hare, blind as a bat, dry as a bone, red as a beetroot, mad as a hatter.

[excerpt from Molecules of Murder: Criminal Molecules and Classic Cases by John Emsley]

Atropine fucks with your body temperature, vision (by causing your pupils to embiggen), salivary glands, blood vessels, and brain. Oh, and your heart. All of this can lead to some real damn unpleasantness, up to – and including – death.  Of course, atropine has been used to help manage certain Parkinson’s Disease symptoms, sort out cardiac arrhythmias, and serve as an antidote to nerve agents like sarin.

In conclusion…

The Persuaders – Thin Line between Love & Hate – Video (High Quality)


All chemical structures are from ChemSpider
Jay-Z gif is from gifbase
Airplane! gifs from tumblr and persephonemagazine


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App, smapp. Only our flowchart tells you if you’re an old maid

According to Slate, a Time staffer has developedhandy Facebook app that tells you whether you are an old maid.  You don’t need another app on your device. You just need our flowchart. DONE.

old maid flowchart


AARP logo from
Old Maid playing card image from
All other images from PowerPoint clipart
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Apology Bingo!

apology bingo updated
*Of course I was tempted to use ‘Womanspace’ instead of ‘Free space’!
**New updated bingo card replaces “I am truly sorry” with “I/we are not going to play the blame game”. 
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A note from a big meanie

We all know the deal.  Men and women can comport themselves in exactly the same fashion, but get labeled very differently.  Hell, Pantene did a commercial on that shit.

Labels Against Women | #ShineStrong Pantene

Men that take no bullshit are “tough” or “no-nonsense”.  Women that take no bullshit are “bitchy” or “mean”.  Many folks won’t call a women a ‘bitch’, but they’ll call her “mean” all day long and twice on Sunday.  Calling a woman a bitch for not tolerating bullshit… well, that totes uncool. Calling her mean, is waaaaaaaaaay better.  ’Mean’ sounds sooooooooooo much nicer than ‘bitch’, am I right?

Because your bullshit ain’t cute?

Men are “tough”, not “mean”. DUH.

I, on occasion, have been called “mean”.

I know! Shocking!

What, pray tell, earned me the title of Big Meanie?  Here are a few examples:

  • Doing exactly what my syllabus says I will do.
  • Male coworkers says, “Girls are crazy.”  I respond, “That type of sweeping generalization, especially with it’s sexist overtones, is unacceptable in the workplace.”
  • Having zero fucks to give about the bullshit excuses offered by a sexual harasser.

Apparently, I was supposed to be “sympathetic”, “flexible”, “not so sensitive”, “forgiving”, sugar, spice, and everything nice.

Exactly, Donna, exactly.

A lady is supposed to listen to even the most outrageous shit and be “nice”.   A lady, if she must be critical, should issue flowery feedback.  Women are to gently guide those up to bullshit to the light, ever helpful.

This is real life, yo.

“Mean”? Really?  That is some tone policing, double standard having bullshit.  And it needs to end.




Mean image from here
Cate Blanchett image from here
I Love Lucy image from here
Parks & Rec image from here
Orange Is The New Black image from here
Mean Girls image from here


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