Apology Bingo!

apology bingo updated
*Of course I was tempted to use ‘Womanspace’ instead of ‘Free space’!
**New updated bingo card replaces “I am truly sorry” with “I/we are not going to play the blame game”. 
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A note from a big meanie

We all know the deal.  Men and women can comport themselves in exactly the same fashion, but get labeled very differently.  Hell, Pantene did a commercial on that shit.

Labels Against Women | #ShineStrong Pantene

Men that take no bullshit are “tough” or “no-nonsense”.  Women that take no bullshit are “bitchy” or “mean”.  Many folks won’t call a women a ‘bitch’, but they’ll call her “mean” all day long and twice on Sunday.  Calling a woman a bitch for not tolerating bullshit… well, that totes uncool. Calling her mean, is waaaaaaaaaay better.  ’Mean’ sounds sooooooooooo much nicer than ‘bitch’, am I right?

Because your bullshit ain’t cute?

Men are “tough”, women are “mean”. DUH.

I, on occasion, have been called “mean”.

I know! Shocking!

What, pray tell, earned me the title of Big Meanie?  Here are a few examples:

  • Doing exactly what my syllabus says I will do.
  • Male coworkers says, “Girls are crazy.”  I respond, “That type of sweeping generalization, especially with it’s sexist overtones, is unacceptable in the workplace.”
  • Having zero fucks to give about the bullshit excuses offered by a sexual harasser.

Apparently, I was supposed to be “sympathetic”, “flexible”, “not so sensitive”, “forgiving”, sugar, spice, and everything nice.

Exactly, Donna, exactly.

A lady is supposed to listen to even the most outrageous shit and be “nice”.   A lady, if she must be critical, should issue flowery feedback.  Women are to gently guide those up to bullshit to the light, ever helpful.

This is real life, yo.

“Mean”? Really?  That is some tone policing, double standard having bullshit.  And it needs to end.

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Mean image from here
Cate Blanchett image from here
I Love Lucy image from here
Parks & Rec image from here
Orange Is The New Black image from here
Mean Girls image from here

 

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Mistakes, accidents, and owning your shit

“It was just one mistake…”

Let’s start with the word ‘mistake‘.

Mistake

We’ve all made them.  I’ve made sooooooooo many mistakes – and not just that unfortunate wedge hairdo in the late 1980s.

The key bit with mistakes is we MAKE them. You.  Me.  A mistake is something we did.  Something we did intentionally. I made a decision, probably several, which included committing to a course of action.  Because the word “mistake” is being used, those decisions and that course of action has came back to bite me in the ass.  Technically speaking, what is biting me in the ass are my mistake’s negative consequences.  Those consequences likely suck, and may seem, like, super-harsh – that doesn’t make it any less mine. I  own that shit.  I own all the shit consequences that come with that mistake that I MADE.  Because I MADE it. Intentionally.

“…but it was just one mistake.”  This is often said in the same way one would say, “…it just slipped from my hand.” As if one’s mistake isn’t a mistake, but an accident.

Accident

An ‘accident‘.  We’ve all had these too.  I accidentally fell down a flight of stairs, tearing two ligaments in my ankle. Hurt like a motherfucker and there was physical therapy and medical expenses and… well, you get the idea.

It seems of late, folks are using ‘mistake’ like ‘accident’ to affect a definition change.  Because I’m a cynical meanie, I don’t think it’s because some people don’t know their words.  Nope, I think they’re are trying to get away with bullshit.  They’re angling to avoid or minimize those pesky negative consequences.

Flying Spaghetti Monster knows, the negative consequences of a mistake can really suck.  Well, buckle up, buttercups! Because a mistake means we gambled, we lost, and now we have to pay. The payment may be more than we’d like.  More than we deem fair.  Because when we make a mistake, when we intentionally do something, we’re the one’s that get to decide on the cost of that something.

 

Record Scratch

Oops! My bad. We’re totes not the ones that get to decide the cost of our mistakes. That is perhaps one of the suckiest things about fucking up.

Oh, that’s a tricky one – ‘fair’.  Who get’s to decide what’s ‘fair’? The person that made the mistake? The BFFs of the person that made the mistake? The person or people one’s mistake hurt?  The BFFs of the person or people one’s mistake hurt?  The ombudsman?

Before we all start worrying and arguing over about how much we gotta pay, let’s first acknowledge that we owe. We did that shit, time to own it.

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Arrested Development image from here
Definitions are screen captures from http://www.merriam-webster.com
Anne Hathaway image from here
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Let me fix that for you, PBS

PBS has issued an official statement over PBS Digital Studios‘ It’s Okay To Be Smart A Very Special Thanksgiving Special, hosted by host @jtotheizzoe.   [You'll need to scroll to the bottom to see what PBS hath spoken!]

Fear not, Red Ink has made their digital editorial suggestions and comments for PBS Digital Studios and PBS a bit easier to find…

Download (PDF, Unknown)


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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Editor’s note: Unfortunately, the possibility that Red Ink may actually be more than one person has impacted the quest of JAYFK’s legal department to explore the ramifications of  making the identity – or identities – of Red Ink public knowledge.  As such, legal will cease and desist said quest and exploration.

 

 

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It’s okay to let me fix that for you

When @jtotheizzoe wished us all A Very Special Thanksgiving, it was (UNDER STATEMENT ALERT!) not well-received by a number of people. In response, @jtotheizzoe issued an apology.  Red Ink has issued a LMFTFY

Download (PDF, Unknown)


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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Editor’s note: JAYFK’s legal department is still exploring the ramifications of making Red Ink‘s identity public knowledge.  I am confident we’ll have an answer soon… if legal remembers to charge their phones, that is…

 

 

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What This Is Really About

Somebody has said or done something messed-up.  To you.  After a bit of processing, you think you’ve figured out how that messed-up thing made you feel.  You think you’ve figured out why somebody said or did that messed-up thing.  You think you’ve figured out what that messed-up thing means in the greater context of things.

Oh, silly you!  You think all your internal reflection, careful consideration, and meaningful conversation with your intimates has enabled you to figure things out?

You know who has IT totally figured out?  You know who can cut through all your silly ramblings to get to the heart of the matter?  You know who can lift you out of your ignorance and into the light of What This Is Really About?

Of course you want to know who can tell you What This Is Really About!  Allow the experts to explain…

First, they’ll tell you what your messed-up thing is not really about.  It’s not really about any of the “-isms” or “-phobias” (racism, sexism, classicism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.).  But, being magnanimous, they’ll let you know that your mistake in thinking that any of the “-isms” or “-phobias” were actually involved is understandable.  You know, because you were in an emotional state and all.

Because What This Is Really About is whatever they say it is.  Not you. Even though this messed-up thing happened TO YOU.  You see, you don’t know best. They do.  And they’re more than happy to educate you as to What This Is Really About.

…because they’ve just trying to help you  by telling you What This Is Really About.

To all of those helpful folks letting us know What This Is Really about…

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@DrRubidium                        @DrIsis
Editor-in-Commandant        Editor-in-Goddess

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Cameron from Modern Family image from here
Joan of Mad Med image from here
Sherlock image from here
Jon Stewart image from here
Top gear image is from here
Loki image is from here
You’re welcome image from here
Brenda from The Closer image from here
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Let me fix that for you, Andrew Maynard

After @monicabyrne13 disclosed her harasser as @BoraZ, @2020Science wrote When to name and shame on Social Media, and when to show compassion…

Red Ink has issued a LMFTFY

Download (PDF, Unknown)


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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Editor’s noteRed Ink has asked that their name be withheld until JAYFK legal department has fully explored the ramifications of making their identity known. Given that the legal department is currently hosting their weekly flippy cup tournament, that could take a while.

 

 

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Let me fix that for you

In the wake of The SciAm Incident Of 2013@huler wrote On this Blogging Business, and Regarding Scolding.  Red Ink has issued a LMFTFY

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Editor’s note: Red Ink has asked that their name be withheld until I check all sources for accuracy.  I will get right on that as soon as my phone is all charged up.

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What @sciam’s actions tell me as a female scientist of color

Scientist and science communicator @DNLee5 declined an offer to blog for free from biology-online.org and got called a ‘whore’.  @DNLee5 posted a thoughtful response on her Scientific American‘s blog ’The Urban Scientist‘.  A short time later, her response vanished

I couldn't access her link...

I couldn’t access her link…

@DNLee5‘s response post was taken down by @sciam.  Why?

In the words of the wise woman Judge Judy…

I was born at night – 5:05pm to be precise – but it wasn’t LAST night.   Unlike @sciam admin, I actually read a number of @sciamblogs.  It may shock @sciam admin, but a number of your bloggers aren’t writing all about the wonders of “discovering science”.  In a post titled ‘This is not a post about discovering science“, Kate Clancy lists the FIVE posts she’s written that aren’t sciency.  Christie Wilcox also pointed to her own non-sciency stuff.  Janet Stemwedel is also dubious of @sciam‘s position.   These are two  three @sciam bloggers taking @sciam to task over their… shall we say… inconsistent policy (update: read comment #3 at this Christie Wilcox post).

Take a moment and go view the twitter profiles of Kate Clancy, Christie Wilcox, Janet Stemwedel, and Danielle Lee.  No, seriously, go look at each of their profiles. I’ll wait here.

Notice that one of these three four @sciam bloggers is not like the other? Was it perhaps the same one that had their “not appropriate” post taken down?  Was it the one that is blogging while brown?

Yes, it IS shocking. Here’s what it tells me….

@DNLee5 isn’t seen as equal to her @sciamblogs peers by @sciam admin.  It tells me @sciam has one set of rules for its real team members and another set for us brown folks.

It makes me angry and sad for @DNLee5 - a colleague and friend.  It makes me look at @sciam twice – and not in a good way.

I expected better from @sciam. I want better from @sciam. If I don’t get better from @sciam?

I’m done with @sciam.

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Judge Judy book image from here
Cookie Monster image from here
Eartha Kitt image from here
Real Housewives image from here
Double take image from here
Big Bang Theory image from here
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.@DNLee responds to being called a ‘whore’ for saying “no thanks”

wachemshe hao hao kwangu mtapoa

I got this wrap cloth from Tanzania. It’s a khanga. It was the first khanga I purchased while I was in Africa for my nearly 3 month stay for field research last year. Everyone giggled when they saw me wear it and then gave a nod to suggest, “Well, okay”. I later learned that it translates to “Give trouble to others, but not me”. I laughed, thinking how appropriate it was. I was never a trouble-starter as a kid and I’m no fan of drama, but I always took this 21st century ghetto proverb most seriously:

Don’t start none. Won’t be none.

For those not familiar with inner city anthropology – it is simply a variation of the Golden Rule. Be nice and respectful to me and I will do the same. Everyone doesn’t live by the Golden Rule it seems. (Click to embiggen.)

The Blog editor of Biology-Online dot org asked me if I would like to blog for them. I asked the conditions. He explained. I said no. He then called me out of my name.

My initial reaction was not civil, I can assure you. I’m far from rah-rah, but the inner South Memphis in me was spoiling for a fight after this unprovoked insult. I felt like Hollywood Cole, pulling my A-line T-shirt off over my head, walking wide leg from corner to corner yelling, “Aww hell nawl!” In my gut I felt so passionately:”Ofek, don’t let me catch you on these streets, homie!”

This is my official response:

It wasn’t just that he called me a whore – he juxtaposed it against my professional being: Are you urban scientist or an urban whore? Completely dismissing me as a scientist, a science communicator (whom he sought for my particular expertise), and someone who could offer something meaningful to his brand.What? Now, I’m so immoral and wrong to inquire about compensation? Plus, it was obvious me that I was supposed to be honored by the request..

After all, Dr. Important Person does it for free so what’s my problem? Listen, I ain’t him and he ain’t me. Folks have reasons – finances, time, energy, aligned missions, whatever – for doing or not doing things. Seriously, all anger aside…this rationalization of working for free and you’ll get exposure is wrong-headed. This is work. I am a professional. Professionals get paid. End of story. Even if I decide to do it pro bono (because I support your mission or I know you, whatevs) – it is still worth something. I’m simply choosing to waive that fee. But the fact is I told ol’ boy No; and he got all up in his feelings. So, go sit on a soft internet cushion, Ofek, ’cause you are obviously all butt-hurt over my rejection. And take heed of the advice on my khanga.

You don't want none of this

Thanks to everyone who helped me focus my righteous anger on these less-celebrated equines. I appreciate your support, words of encouragement, and offers to ride down on his *$$.

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