When it comes to cop cosplay, try not to look too convincing

When you dress-up in costumes, do you go all out?  Careful about the details? Super authentic?  If your costume is a police uniform, don’t do what Percy Coleman did.

Coleman kitted himself out in his boys-in-blue best, complete with handgun. Seriously.  A handgun.  Coleman, through his previous job as a parole officer for the Illinois Department of Corrections, had an Illinois Parole Agent Concealed Carry Weapons Permit.  Guessing on what happened to Coleman, it’s likely the Illinois Parole Agent Concealed Carry Weapons Permit does not contain a cosplay clause.

Once he was all dolled-up in his cop finery, Coleman heading to the cafe he owned for a comedy night.  Later that night, real police officers showed up at Coleman’s cafe to shut it down for failure to have a business license.  Cue the comedy of errors. Cue a lawsuit from Coleman.

Coleman says he identified himself as the owner of the business and told his son to retrieve the cafe’s business license.

…Defendant Officer Koseluh asked if Coleman was a police officer.

Coleman responded that he was a peace officer.

Defendant Officer Koseluh asked why Coleman was impersonating a police officer.

Coleman responded that he was a participant in the comedy show. [source]

What happened next depends on who you ask (fake cop or the real ones), but the cosplay cop was disarmed, then arrested for impersonating a police officer and for wearing body armor.

If you’re considering cop cosplay, don’t go for authenticity.  Go absurd.  Go Lt. Dangle.  

Go Dangle and no real police officer would ever suspect you of impersonating the real thing.  The real thing couldn’t get clearance to wear those non-regulation shoes.

________________

@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

3

Top image from Party Fiesta
Officer Dangle image from Comedy Central 
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Here’s that apology flowchart you were looking for

 

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Editorial Materials & MethodsmThis flowchart is the result of the author hypothesizing on how one decides to issue a non-apology.

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Sh*t on fan image from kitschykismet
Sad puppy image from Best SMS
Smug guy image from The Telegraph

 

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Working the pole doesn’t earn you workers’ compensation

LeAndra Lewis made her living, in the immortal words of Ludacris, shaking her money maker at several clubs in the Carolinas.  Lewis was working on the Boom Boom Room Studio 54 stage when the normal rain of Benjamins turned into a hail of gunfire.  A gun fight had erupted, catching Lewis in the crossfire with the dancer taking a shot in the abdomen.

Lewis’ injuries were serious, leading to the removal of a kidney and impacting her ability to have children.  According to Lewis, scars resulting from the shooting “…has made her unemployable as an exotic dancer.”

Being injured on the job and no longer able to do that job, Lewis filed a workers’ compensation claim in South Carolina – home of the Boom Boom Room Studio 54.  The workers’ compensation commission had one BIG problem with Lewis’ claim – Lewis did not work for the Boom Boom Room Studio 54.

Oh, Lewis worked the pole at the Boom Boom Room Studio 54, but she wasn’t an actual employee of this particular club.  How can you work it without working?  Here’s how:

Lewis presented several fellow exotic dancers as witnesses to explain that dancers often choose a city and a club to dance in on a particular night and travel there uninvited and unannounced. In keeping with this practice, Lewis showed up at the Boom Boom Room on this particular night, showed her identification to prove she was at least eighteen years old, and paid the required “tip-out” fee in cash to the club. She did not fill out an employment application and did not sign an employment agreement. The club gave her a “rules sheet,” she went to the dressing room to put on her outfit, and she danced. [source]

This type of work arrangement didn’t pass the Wilkinson test, which the South Carolina Court of Appeals used to decide employment status.  Lewis’ control of her work – showing up when she wants, paying clubs to work, bringing her own equipment, collecting money straight from the customers, leaving whenever she wants – meant she failed the Wilkinson test and was not an employee.  

As Lewis isn’t an employee, she’s not eligible for workers’ compensation.  The court was silent on Lewis’ eligibility for other typess of legal compensation.

 

________________

@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant
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Image from The Week
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The dead are surprisingly litigious

Texas Secretary of State Hope Andrade probably never expected to be sued by the dead.  This legal nightmare was set into motion by Texas’ own desire to drop the dead from their voter rolls.

The Texas legislature gave the Secretary of State the job of trimming the rolls.  Figuring the Secretary wasn’t a medium*, the Texas legislature told the Secretary to use quarterly reports from the Social Security Administration (SSA) to identify the departed.  SSA reports are compared to voter registration records and voilà!  The dead are gone.

An in-depth comparison of reports and records sounds like a hellish task.  Perhaps that’s why Secretary Andrade came up with a way to make this task easier.

Under the Secretary’s “rule,” if a death record has the same birth date and last four numerals of the social security number of a registered voter, then “the voter registrar is required by State law to mail out…a verification letter to the voter”… [source]

If you don’t answer the registrar’s letter, you’re dead and disenfranchised.  The dead have three problems with Andrade’s rule.  

  1. They’re not actually dead. Andrade’s rule turned thousands of Texans into the living dead (officially the “potentially dead”).  Looks like matching birthdays and the last four digits of a social security number isn’t foolproof.
  2. Andrade created a “rule” (something that ‘…implements, interprets, or prescribes law or policy…’) without input from the public – a violation of the Texas Administrative Procedure Act (TAPA).
  3. Andrade’s “rule” violates Texas’ Election Code

Seems like Andrade’s rule for purging the rolls has some Texas-sized flaws…. 

_________________

@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

2

Top image from Introverted Wife
*Being a medium wouldn’t have helped.  Mainly because nobody can communicate with the dead. You know, because THEY’RE DEAD.
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That time the Supreme Court settled the Great Tomato Debate

Watching the @PBS program Time to Play Ketchup: The Story of the Tomato, I learned something EXTRAORDINARY.

The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) settled the Great Tomato Debate nearly 120 years ago in the NIX et al. v. HEDDEN decision.  Yes, SCOTUS ruled on whether tomatoes were fruits or vegetables.

One might assume that SCOTUS used science to settle the Great Tomato Debate. WRONG.  They used their gut.  Literally.

Botanically speaking, tomatoes are the fruit of a vine, just as are cucumbers, squashes, beans, and peas. But in the common language of the people, whether sellers or consumers of provisions, all these are vegetables which are grown in kitchen gardens, and which, whether eaten cooked or raw, are, like potatoes, carrots, parsnips, turnips, beets, cauliflower, cabbage, celery, and lettuce, usually served at dinner in, with, or after the soup, fish, or meats which constitute the principal part of the repast, and not, like fruits generally, as dessert. [source]

The famed Dinner vs. Dessert test!  Many a fruit have failed that test. [Looking at you, cucumber!]

Lest you think the SCOTUS of the late 19th century had a little too much time on their hands, NIX et al. v. HEDDEN was a really about the Tariff Act of March 3, 1883, c. 121.  This act “…impos[ed] a duty on ‘vegetables in their natural state, or in salt or brine, not specially enumerated or provided for in this act, ten per centum ad valorem;’”  With this act, importing vegetables become more expensive and the Great Tomato Debate got real.  Real costly.  One tomato importer refused to pay, claiming fruit status.  The duty collector of the port of New York disagreed, asserting tomatoes were duty-bound.  SCOTUS made the call.

As an article of food on our tables, whether baked or boiled, or forming the basis of soup, they are used as a vegetable, as well when ripe as when green. This is the principal use to which they are put. Beyond the common knowledge which we have on this subject, very little evidence is necessary, or can be produced.  [source]

Tomatoes are vegetables.

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Editorial Materials & MethodsmThe author reports to ingesting a Bloody Mary during the production of this post and asserts this accounts for two servings of veggies.

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Is Mosaic the Abercrombie & Fitch of gaming?

If Ponce De Leon couldn't find the Fountain of Youth, odds are a Mosaic sales rep won't either.

Mosaic Sales Solutions, in their quest to sell Kinect and Xbox products, is accused of demanding the one thing from its sales staff they can’t provide – eternal youth.

Channeling Abercrombie & Fitch, Mosaic told their managers what to look for in sales rep applicants.

Engaging personality, fun, brand ambassador image, think ‘Favorite Camp Counselor’, youthful, a personality you are drawn to as well as professional & well groomed.  No visible distractions… these reps will representative of Microsoft and Mosaic at retail and should reflect the Kinect and Xbox image.  [source]

Sales staff that is engaging and professional?  Sounds standard. “No visible distractions”?  Whatever could they mean? Clearly, job killers are a “no”.  Wonder if my freckles are “visible distraction”?  Small children have been known to proclaim, “Mom, why does that lady have spots all over her face?!”  My hair has LOTS of personality, perhaps that’s a plus?  Also on the plus side, I’m female!

Mosaic suggests “[f]emale young adults are a perfect fit” for the position of Kinect Demonstrator.  SWEET! Mosaic is committed to hiring women.  Well, young women.  (To demo a gaming device most associated with exercise, but I digress…)

Time is running out for me to work as a Kinect Demonstrator.  I’m well into my third decade and Mosaic is all about hiring the under-forty set.  But actually being under forty isn’t enough for Mosaic – you’ve got to look youthful.  Mosaic Kinect Demonstrator applicants had to submit a photograph.  Which is exactly what Pam Boyer did when she applied for a Mosaic Kinect Demonstrator job back on October 1, 2010.  Here’s what Boyer says happened next…

Mosaic initially informed Plaintiff [Boyer] that she was hired.

However, based on Plaintiff’s age, which is apparent from the photograph submitted with her application, Mosaic chastised the Territory Manager who hired Plaintiff and decided that Plaintiff could not be hired.

On or about October 4, 2010, Mosaic informed Plaintiff that she had been hired in error, and that she could not be hired. [source]

Is it possible that Boyer got un-hired because she didn’t have that “Favorite Camp Counselor’, youthful” look?  Boyer thinks so.  Back in October 2010, she filed a complaint with the Missouri Commission on Human Rights (MCHR) accusing Mosaic of individual and class-wide age discrimination.  In July of this year, the MCHR gave Boyer the green light to sue Mosaic and Boyer filed her lawsuit last month.

Is Mosaic the Abercrombie & Fitch of gaming?  Is Mosaic’s view of what will sell Kinect and XBox products totally off the mark – or is it what potential buyers want in their sales staff? I’m a buyer and what I want in a sales rep is a professional that knows the product.  But I’m old, so what do I know?

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Editoral Material & MethodsmGiven the author’s advanced age, she had to take a nap during the writing of this post.

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Top image source

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Students, nothing I assign you is ‘bullshit’

Tuesday, @Jezebel‘s Lindy West came to the defense of cheating.  West’s defense included the following…

Some forms of “cheating” are actually more akin to savvy time management—it can be just a disparaging term for “efficiency.” Some cheating is about determining which bullshit counts and which doesn’t, and then cutting out the bullshit bullshit. A lot of school is bullshit. And I feel like a big part of a high school and college education is learning how to navigate around bullshit. Because it’s bullshit. You know? [source]

I’d like to talk directly to students right now.

Students, let me be (bold-all caps-large font) clear…

NOTHING I ASSIGN YOU IS BULLSHIT

Students, if you’re in my class this term, you’re there to learn general chemistry.  Perhaps you want to be a chemist, engineer, medical doctor or nurse.  You need an understanding of the basics of chemistry and I’m here to help you “get it”.  I don’t assign things to waste your time, I assign things to help you learn.  That whole assignments-for-learning scheme only works if YOU actually DO IT.

Let’s say we’re discussing the topic of intermolecular forces (IMFs).  I assign a chapter in the text, a video or two, and a dozen problems on top of that in-class lecture and that lab experiment.  All that work for IMFs may seem redundant.  There is a simple reason for this redundancy – that shit is IMPORTANT and repeated exposure might help that shit sink in.  There is a method to the madness.

Students, there is also a very selfish reason I don’t assign bullshit.

I DO NOT WANT TO GRADE BULLSHIT

I grade your quizzes, tests, lab reports, and lab notebooks.  When you come to office hours, I go over problems with you.  When you email saying you can’t get #17, I’m the one sending you a detailed response.  I spend hours grading.  You really think I’d assign you bullshit that I’ll have to grade?  You must be out of your damn mind.

 To summarize, nothing I assign you is bullshit because (1) I’m here to help you learn and (2) I have no time for bullshit.  My intolerance of bullshit also applies to whatever bullshit excuse somebody might cook-up to justify cheating.   

@Jezebel‘s Lindy West doesn’t ”conceive of cheating as a black-and-white issue”.  I do.  Students, if you commit any act of academic dishonesty in my class, I will pursue any and every disciplinary action the university/college affords me.  Part of my job is guarding the value of a degree.  That degree means YOU accomplished something – something amazing and difficult.  Cheating devalues that degree, the university/college, and the academic program.  There’s no way I’ll stand by and let that happen.  Neither should you.

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

 

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Are you man enough to host this natural history show?

Remember the good ol’ days when the only thing you needed to host a nature show was one of these?

Well, your field vest won’t be enough to land you the job of Natural History Host of [unnamed show on an unnamed cable channel].  To get this job, you’ll also need to have maleness and a “rugged field look”.  You know, like this guy…

OH WAIT.  That guy is British.  Our host job posting says “light or no accent”.

We better read read that job posting a little more carefully….

Basically, to get this hosting job, you’ve got to be this guy…

…but, of course, like snakes.  Good luck finding your host, unnamed show on an unnamed cable channel!

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Editorial Materials & MethodsmThe author thanks @bug_girl for alerting the twitterverse to this job announcement.  

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Image of Bear Grylls from here
Image of Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones from here
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You’re not a scapegoat if you actually did it

Last week, Harvard announced it had a wee huge cheating problem in one of its classes.

Almost half of the 279 students who took assistant professor Matthew Platt’s Introduction to Congress class in the spring are under investigation for cheating. [source]

One of those accused cheaters is talking to @Salon and it’s illuminating.

I can personally attest that my TF [teaching fellow] collaborated on every single exam with me. [The TF] pointed me in the right direction, gave me some answers, gave me some insights, and some quotes to use. Why? Because no one went to section or lecture. You didn’t have to. Professor Platt said on the first day of the course that he “didn’t care if you went to section” or lecture, and that he “gave out 120+ A’s last year” and would do the same this year. There was absolutely no incentive to learn any material.

In a phone call with Salon, the student went further. “That’s why people took the class in the past: fun lecture, goofy class, you go in and go out you know….we took the class with the same assumption,” [source; emphasis added]

According to our accused cheater, we’re got an easy class with an over-helpful TF and an instructor that doesn’t require you to clutter-up your schedule by attending class. Oh, and we have a student with no incentive to learn.  Because, you know, learning for learning’s sake, actually earning one’s degree, and being prepared for one’s career or graduate school just aren’t incentive enough.

How about an incentive to not cheat?  Oddly, a few of our incentives to not cheat are also incentives to learn!  Like actually earning one’s degree and being prepared for one’s career or graduate school.  Of course, another incentive to not cheat is that cheating is a violation of an institution’s Code of Conduct or Honor Code or Code of Ethics or whatever-they-call-it. Such violations can lead to many negative consequences like suspension or expulsion – at the very least, failure of the class and a tarnished reputation.  There is also the incentive of not wanting to be a no-integrity-having cheating bastard and instead, wanting to be a trustworthy grown-up.

I feel like I should make two disclosures here.  First, I am an instructor of college courses.  Second, I don’t think grown-ups have to be reminded that it’s not acceptable to cheat or plagiarize.  They know.  It’s kind of a standing order.  But just in case some folks forget not to cheat/plagiarize, or forget what is considered cheating or plagiarism, instructors often include reminders and/or instructions with assignments.  This is what Platt did.

Platt gave his class a take home final which was “completely open book, open note, open internet, etc.”.  Platt’s one explicit no-no? ” Students may not discuss the exam with others – this includes resident tutors, writing centers, etc.”  I say “explicit no-no” because Platt’s “completely open book, open note, open internet, etc.” directive implies the requirement that students properly cite all sources and not pass off other’s work/words as their own.  Platt had two rules for his final – (1) utilize published work (online or offline), but cite it properly and (2) do not seek the input of any other person.  It appears Platt’s two rules were too much for 125 students.  These 125 students are being investigated for committing ”…acts of academic dishonesty, ranging from inappropriate collaboration to outright plagiarism…”.

What does our accused cheater have to say?

Asked what he thought would happen, the student said: “I’m not sure. I hope that many students are exonerated” and Harvard will decide  “that they can’t punish students because of the flawed nature of the course.” The student’s fear is that Harvard is “out for blood” to protect its reputation.  [source]

In all the words from our accused cheater, I’m not seeing the words “I did not cheat/plagiarize” or “I followed Professor Platt’s directions for the final” or the like.  Perhaps my eyes deceive me… let’s hear more from our accused cheater…

Harvard chose to go public with this story to first and foremost save their own asses. They wanted to get the version that they wanted out to the public first. Why did they do this? A large number of the students involved had threatened to go public with this unfair process and an even larger number of students have already lawyered up and are preparing to sue the college, professor platt, and every single TF in the course. Myself included.  [source]

Hmmmmm…. still not seeing the ”I did not cheat/plagiarize” or “I followed Professor Platt’s directions for the final”.  What I see is an adult that got caught breaking the rules who isn’t taking any responsibility for breaking the rules.  What I see is an adult making a lot of noise in an attempt to confuse the issue.

The issue isn’t that the class was supposed to be easy (anyways, “easy” is in the eye of the beholder).  The issue isn’t that TFs helped with previous exams (anyways, this might have been acceptable given the rules for those previous exams).  The issue isn’t that class attendance wasn’t required (anyways, this is college not high school).  The issue is this:

  • Platt had two rules for the final.
    • Rules followed = positive consequences.
    • Rules broken = negative consequences.

If you broke Platt’s rules and Harvard holds you accountable, Harvard isn’t “out for blood” or to “save their own assess”.  Harvard is simply treating you like a grown-up. If you broke Platt’s rules, you’re not a scapegoat – you’re actually to blame.   Stop blaming everybody else and start taking responsibility.  It’s time to be the grown-up Harvard thinks you are.

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

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Editorial Materials & MethodsmMedium levels of righteous teacher anger and sarcasm were used to write this post.

Baretta Intro – Sammy Davis Jr

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I don’t have an editor and I totes know “plagiarism, dodgy quotes, and factual inaccuracies” are fucked up

Once again, Jonah Lehrer is in the news. Charles Seife was tasked by Wired.com to give Lehrer’s blog posts the once-over.  You can read Seife’s findings here, but let me summarize: Lehrer passed fiction off as fact, other’s work as his own, and his old work as new work.  Seife begins the end of his Lehrer piece as so…

Lehrer’s transgressions are inexcusable—but… [excerpt from here]

Uh-oh. The dreaded “but”…

Lehrer’s transgressions are inexcusable—but I can’t help but think that the industry he (and I) work for share a some of the blame for his failure. I’m 10 years older than Lehrer, and unlike him, my contemporaries and I had all of our work scrutinized by layers upon layers of editors, top editors, copy editors, fact checkers and even (heaven help us!) subeditors before a single word got published. When we screwed up, there was likely someone to catch it and save us (public) embarrassment. And if someone violated journalistic ethics, it was more likely to be caught early in his career—allowing him the chance either to reform and recover or to slink off to another career without being humiliated on the national stage. No such luck for Lehrer; he rose to the very top in a flash, and despite having his work published by major media companies, he was operating, most of the time, without a safety net. Nobody noticed that something was amiss until it was too late to save him. [excerpt from here]

Hmmmmmm… I just knew when I saw “—but” I wouldn’t like what followed…

Lehrer is a grown man that damn well knew “plagiarism, dodgy quotes, and factual inaccuracies” were fucked up.  He did it all anyway.  He is an adult that made choices that had consequences – some good (e.g. New Yorker gig) and some bad (e.g. losing New Yorker gig).  If we own the good, we have to own the bad.  That’s the deal.  It’s called being a grown-up.

Part of being a grown-up is being our own “safety net”.  I don’t have “layers of editors, top editors, copy editors, fact checkers and even (heaven help us!) subeditors” to check my scribbles.  Sure, my scribbles are mainly reserved for this ranty fake journal, but…  it’s down to me to get my facts straight.  I don’t need an editor to to tell me lying and cheating is fucked up.  I know it’s fucked up.  I’m confident that if I had an editor, they’d want me to know it’s fucked up so they didn’t have to babysit me all the damn time.  So they didn’t have to spend their time, quite frankly, doing my job – i.e., making sure I don’t fuck-up.

Lehrer fucked up, got caught, and seems to be owning it - how about we let him?  He is a grown-up, after all.

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@DrRubidium
Editor-in-Commandant

 

 

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